I wanted to hire a sex worker for several reasons. First, as a sex worker of many years myself, I have no moral objection to sex work, and I do not feel that hiring a sex worker should be a big deal. What doing sex work has taught me is that most men have either contacted a sex worker, hired a sex worker, or thought about hiring a sex worker. But we do shame women for the same desire to have sex without strings.
Heterosexual sex is defined to many people as having taken place when the man ejaculates. I matter, and my sexual satisfaction matters. Women get horny, women are sexual, women want to fuck, just like men. I want an almost guaranteed fun sexual experience, complete with orgasms, without having to engage in a lot of emotional labor.
I have always been queer, but never even started to piece that together until I was in my early 30s a couple of years ago. I have only had sex with a woman twice, both times during threesomes with men, with both of us pleasing him and fulfilling some male fantasy as the main objective. Still, both of those times I had sex with a woman I enjoyed it much more than having sex with men. Sex with women, for me, feels safer, more intimate, and I just enjoy the mechanics of it much more. I thought about hiring a male sex worker, and maybe I will someday, but seeking out this experience felt like an important step in destigmatizing my queerness within myself.
So, I started looking around on the websites I myself had advertised on as a sex worker. Most of the sites have profiles of the workers, kind of like a Facebook page.
These are not the responses male clients would likely receive. After all, many of my sex-working friends are queer and have sex with male clients all the time. And many of the providers I spoke to were fine having sex with a woman as long as a man was there. From doing research outside my area, I know there are providers who are open to queer women, enby or trans clients, but not only is the distance prohibitive for me, most of them charge A LOT more than the average person could afford.
