The first step to changing our culture is to change our own behavior. Deciding to stop slut shaming means deciding to stop blaming another woman β any other woman β for our personal fears and insecurities regarding our bodies and sex.
That requires taking a critical look at those personal fears and insecurities, which is an uncomfortable thing for most people to do. The beliefs we take for granted are the hardest ones to question. But as we get better at recognizing and rejecting the slut shaming that goes on in our minds, we also get better at avoiding slut shaming in our words and actions. So what words and actions count as slut shaming?
Obviously, that can look like literally pointing a finger at another woman and calling her a slut. It can look like accusing a rape survivor of causing the attack. But it can also be much more subtle. Almost all of us have done it at some point, or at least inadvertently participated in it. So here are some examples of things you might not realize are actually slut shaming:.
She has been betrayed in this situation. She has been wronged. Yes, it is foolish to trust someone else with a naked photo of oneself. But her motivation in sending it was to please the recipient. She was doing something for him, and he repaid her by destroying her life. He knew that once he got a naked photo of her, he could control her. And, if he has shared it without her consent, he has decided to use that control to ruin her social life. Which one of these two people deserves punishment?
If someone is comfortable enough around you to share what turns them on, be a good enough friend not to shame them for it. Rumors, as most of us know from experience, are almost never true in the first place. What is normal? The only person whose sex life you know anything about, for certain, is your own. Think about it. We put clothes on our bodies to protect ourselves from things like weather and nasty park benches, but we also use clothes to express our personal aesthetic.
