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That, being free to be me, I could finally stop pretending. I would be able to drop the heteronormative disguise that I used to wear, to ensure that I belonged and that I felt safe.
Little did I know that in the years that followed, more often than not, I would find myself butch-ing up, trying to be more masculine than what I naturally was. How did I find myself here again? Like walking on thin ice, any false move I made, could easily throw me back into a loop of old patterns that condition my ways of being and behaving without me even noticing it.
Tired of this self-limiting pattern, I decided to confront my beliefs around masculinity. I used to believe that being gay absolved me from being toxic like many straight man can be, but I was wrong. However, as a European, white, cisgender gender identity that matches the sex assigned at birth , gay man myself, I would like to write directly to those who share similar privileges. These words are also directed to the homosexual community in general and to those who identify as being a man, male or masculine, and who are having or trying because yes, dating is hard to have sex with men.
To anyone concerned, this is not an attack on our community nor it is meant to exclude anyone. This is an open invitation to challenge a status quo, especially to those directly contributing and subscribing to it.
Why is it that this toxicity, generally associated with heterosexual men, is growing evermore present in and not exclusively the homosexual scene? My immediate answer is: Men will be men no matter their sexual orientation. By that I mean: uninformed, entitled and privileged. By no means do do I say this to excuse or justify our behaviours. I write this to point out the common red thread that most of us fail to recognise.