According to University of Missouri historian Elliot Torcello, the remarkably well- preserved tower is recognized throughout the region as an indispensable archive detailing which women in the area are promiscuous, as well as whether or not they have crabs. While the foot-tall structure catalogs a variety of information—including a definitive index of who is a fag or a queer and who has a limp dick—Torcello contends that it is the half-century-old compendium of Concordia's sluts and what they are willing to do with Principal Delahunt that offers the richest portrait of the town's history.
That kind of insight into familial legacy is simply unprecedented. Continued Torcello, "Who knows what future generations may one day learn about Becky's own daughter, Tammy, and whether she, too, likes it in the ass? Previous scholars have noted the hierarchy represented on the water tower: The biggest sluts occupy the highest reaches of the edifice, their status announced in the largest, most brightly colored letters. Magnificently crowning the reservoir is a 3-foot-high neon-green message, dating from and easily visible from the highway, that heralds Tina Richmond's loose pussy.
Though the veracity of the data appearing on structure has occasionally been called into question, officials maintained that the information is regularly updated to reflect the latest reports of who sucks dick, and who sucks even more dick. Still, a number of Concordians resent the water tower's renown as a slut-identification tool, arguing that the public utility serves other, more important purposes than criticizing Jillian Knoll's titties.
And it also features the region's finest collection of crudely drawn phalluses, both erect and flaccid—but no one is even aware of these things. Added Turner: "The underpass on Walker Street is right. This town is retarded. The A. Share This Story. Get our newsletter Subscribe.
